Golden nuggets from last week and this week:

Overheard in hallway:
Girl one: "Man she dumb! She just got back from bein suspended and she beat another girl's ass today."
Girl 2: "Wait who beat someone's ass?"
Girl 1: "Crystal... You know that girl who just had her baby."

Latesha: "miz can I go to the bafroom?"
Me: "No hablo ingles. Pregúntame en español."
Latesha: (blank stare)
Jaquan: "Girl she said she don't speak Cheeto breath, you gotta learn English."

Sometimes, I let the kids turn the tables on me and come up with their own quizzes instead of taking mine.  Needless to say, it's not always a good approach:

This one is after we took notes on Santiago, Chile.
As if you were a complete idiot and didn't see that obvious connection!

My personal laptop was stolen when a substitute took care of my class while I reported for jury duty.

Upon seeing the reward notice I posted on the board for its safe return, students gave their honest opinion:

"Miss you got jacked fo yo laptop?"
"Miss, they could pawn it for more than you are offerin."


Also, when I came back from spring break, a huge (10 foot) poster of verb conjugations was gone. 
Not crumpled up, not fallen from the wall, TAKEN OUT OF MY ROOM.

People will do ANYTHING to get their hands on verb conjugation knowledge.  You and I both know that, so the poster theft comes as no surprise.  But the laptop?  Inexcusable.

It's the end of March, which means everyone's getting excited for final exams pregnant.  Seriously, a good 15% of the students I teach are either baby mamas, baby daddies, or expecting.  What can I say?  Unfortunately, not much.  I yearn to sit each student down and talk about the limitations that a family can bring.  What I end up doing is fawning over babies and saying "Ohhh, how cute!" when they bring in the children.  Damn my penchant for cute things!  Damn it to HELL!!

Anyway, if you are facebook friends with me, you know that I teach a pair of particularly challenging African-American students.  The boy's name will be "Jaquan," the girls name will be "Latesha."

Latesha is extremely hostile and skinny to the point that I reported her to the counselors due to suspicion of abuse through under-nutrition.  Jaquan is also skinny, but not AS skinny.  These two students constantly berate each other, no matter how far apart they sit or how much I threaten with discipline.  Students and teachers alike no longer put up the charade of pretending to be affected by discipline.  As discussed on this blog time and time again, referrals mean students out of school, which means less money for the school, which means: no referrals!

Anyway, here are some choice selections of Jaquan and Latesha "scoring" on each other:

Jaquan: 'I saw Latesha in the park this morning eating nuts with her cousins all dem squirrels.'
Latesha: 'Boy I saw you there too, in the grass... Stickin' yo big head up through the ground with your millipede lookin' ass!'

And also,

Latesha: "Don't even try to score on me, nasty-ass kangaroo head lookin' boy!"
Jaquan: "Shut up girl and brush yo teef."
Latesha: "Boy shut up with yo hot-ass stank-ass dragon breath!"
Tay-kwon, from across the room: "Girl ain't nobody talkin' to you!"
Jaquan and Latesha: (Long string of obscenities declaring that it was, in fact, Tay-Kwon to whom no one was speaking)
Me (continuing): "And those are ALL the answers to the test!  So it's basically impossible for you to fail now, right?"


Of course they all failed the test because they were listening to the poetics of Jaquan and Latesha.  No biggie.  66 days until summer.

Well.  Last week the students had to turn in their final projects, which are Verb Reference Books.  The VRBs tackle not only the problem of students not knowing the difference between imperfect and preterite tenses, but also the fact that they, despite 2 years of Spanish "training," still do not know what "Yo" means.  In the verb books they have to conjugate 50 verbs with several different tenses and moods.  Exhibit A:

 So that would be one entry, for the verb Barrer.  They had 50 verbs to do.  Lots of work, I know!  With the heartbreak of the failure of Project 1 still in my mind (almost no students turned theirs in on time), I decided to make Project 2, the VRB, completely an "in-class" assignment.  I would answer any questions, supply paper and pencils, give advice on how to get the best grade, etc.  And on the due date, hallelujah!  The box on my desk filled up with finished Verb Reference Books.  Yaaaaay!  Walkin' on sunshine!

The only blip came when I had finished grading the books (in record time, but no big deal).  I handed them out and started putting the corrections on the board so students could salvage any poor grades and also make sure their book was a viable resource in their language learning.  Once I had passed everything out and was in the middle of presenting the corrected verbs, a very shy (straight-A) asian girl told me that she didn't get hers back. 

This caused a mild panic, because out of over 180 projects turned in, I may have misplaced one.  I checked all my folders, drawers, everything.  I told her to just take notes on the correct forms and double-check her binder at home in case she forgot to turn it in.  After the kids left I spent ages looking for her book, because I knew what a good student she was, and gosh I'm not perfect, it might be over here, what if I brought it into the teachers lounge by mistake, etc. etc. 

The next class period we continue correcting the books.  Asian girl's is still nowhere to be found.  She meekly approached me and asked if she would have to do it over.  I had no evidence that she had ever turned it in in the first place.  I had to say yes. 

Later I saw student C copying student B's verb book.  I called them both out on it and looked at the book that was being copied from.  It had a kind of raggedy cover page, but the inside was page after page of color-coded, picture-perfect conjugations.  The owner had received a 50 due to the fact that he had turned it in late, but it was a fantastic project.  I called him outside along with the asian girl.  

Me: "[Asian girl's name], is this your project?"
Her (visibly scared to admit it in front of the thief): "Yes."
Thief: "My little sister helped me with that, it's mine."

Thief had taken the project from the box on my desk (stealing from a teacher AND a student), ripped off the original cover page, and stapled on his own page featuring his name.  I was so livid that I walked him to the assistant principal's office right then, and filled out the paperwork later.  As punishment, he received one day in "In school suspension," which is sitting in a room and "working," which for most kids means sleeping. 

Not only did this kid steal, he made me look like an idiot who loses the work that students turn in. 

Summary: no matter what a fool child may do, the school is still paid by his attendance at school.  So any teacher who tries to discipline a child is putting her job at stake. 

The part that sucks is that I was surprised when I saw such good work from this student.  But when he turned it in, he said, "I think I'm finally getting it!" and I was so proud of him that he was able to get away with it (almost).  After 4 years I'm still too gullible for this job.

How can you do an entire project on a city without knowing which country it is in?
Especially when it is in YOUR country?

Today in a department head meeting, I had a revelation that was a long time coming.  For several years now I have been ASTOUNDED at the lack of respect and basic manners of Mexican students*.  Even more profound, however, was their reaction when I told them how their atrocious behavior was affecting their grade: 4 out of 5 times, the student would reply with: "I don't care if I fail or not!", give or take a few profane words.

At first, I thought that was general teen repartee, an automatic response to being threatened might be to lessen the value of the threat by dismissing its severity as worthless.  After a while of me following through, though, and students failing due to refusal to do the EASIEST things, I realized that they actually, literally, did not care.

This morning, I finally found out why (I think).  Another teacher mentioned that it's not that the kids don't care if they are successful.  It's that in their minds, and the minds of their families, they already are successful. 

They have succeeded by getting away from drug cartel violence and into an American high school where they have it easy.  Not "no problems" easy, but "no worries that I will witness a murder today" easy.  That, in the minds of most people born in Mexico, is the ultimate goal.  It's the equivalent of a [stereotypical and slightly racist predicate imminent] white teenager getting all A's and going to Harvard, and then becoming a rich professional.  Those lofty goals are for people who were born in America, with papers, and have never had to fight for survival or experience debilitating poverty.  As for the Mexicans, they'll happily work long hours at a menial job to pay the rent for their safe American apartment.  If the teacher doesn't like them sleeping in class or not working in school, what difference does it make?  Will they lose money?  No.  Are their lives in danger?  No. 

I finally get it.  Now, to find out what to do about it.






*Some of my Mexican students on the other side of the spectrum are incredibly well-adjusted socially and have fantastic grades.  They are not, however, in the majority.

Well, the school year has started, and I'm now the department chair of languages (and teaching upperclassmen) at my NEW school.  A principal who answers emails the SAME day.  A LOCKING closet in which to put my purse.  Textbooks the FIRST week of school, not the 31st.  Air conditioning IN my classroom.  Things are different all right!

There was, however, on my first teacher work day of preparing my room, a humongous dead (thank you lord) cockroach, legs up, on the floor in front of the door, about where a welcome mat would go.  I should have expected it, you know the old saying, "If you get it all, you're also going to get a cockroach."  Wise words.

In order to get here, I had to be kinda sneaky.  The principal at this new school knew me already, and kinda "stole" me last minute without providing a replacement to my old school.  So the administration at the old school (what was left of it, the principal quit and several assistants were reassigned) was rather upset, because it meant they had to hire a permanent substitute.  For me, though, it was a promotion in every way, so I had to fight kinda dirty, and sadly due to the bureaucracy level in the district, that meant going behind the administrator's back.

I was feeling really guilty about this until I got an email from the substitute.  She said my old department chair (who helped me get the new job, is there anything she didn't do for me yet?) gave her my email so I could give her some tips on teaching 40-50 malevolent kids in a tiny room with no AC, 4 times a day with no break.  Let's face it, those are the only kind of tips I had to give!  My replacement is already certified to teach Spanish, she is just waiting for her interview; so the kids are in good hands.  It was still sad to see her end her emails with "Do you know where any more textbooks are?" ("No.") and "I hope you're having a good year so far, over here I have a class with 46 kids and no AC on a 107 degree day..." ("Yeah, that probably won't change, I had to buy 2 fans with my own money.").

But enough about the old.  District-wide, non-core teachers lost 50% of their planning time due to budget cuts (someone has to teach those classes that used to belong to hundreds of fired teachers).  On a block schedule, that means that on every other day, you teach all day with no break; and the classes are very, very full.  Those who are blessed with a high-maintenance body-hydrating system, like yours truly, will wonder, "Do they expect me to pee in a bottle?!?!?!?!".  The answer is: Only if you didn't have enough foresight to fast the night before.

All in all, I'm very happy.  Upperclassmen are a much more docile bunch, and I was floored when I told one rough-looking child to be quiet... and he DID.  Let's not sugar-coat things though, I have had to kick 2 students out of class.  The message has to be strong the first week, and unfortunately that is what works.  When one girl was being really disrespectful, and trying to sustain an argument as I tried to keep teaching,  I just said, "Get out."  She started getting up, mouthing off the whole time, and I just said, "That behavior isn't welcome.  See you later."  And when she walked out the door, I heard one of the african-american boys who had been sitting next to her whisper to his friend, "Man this lady don't take NO bull."  No sir, she don't, and at least I got that across nice and early.

So I'm already racking up a few discipline issues, but it's not too bad.  I knew that particular girl was trouble when I called out her name, which is "Paula," with a hispanic last name (let's say, Flores).  So as with all the other names, I gave it the spanish pronunciation, which is more like "Pa-oo-la"  instead of "Pol-uh".  And when I called her she didn't answer, and then finally she said, in a tone not unlike this one at 1:04, "That's not my name.  Oh are you trying to say 'Pol-uh'?  Because THAT is my name, not that other thing you were saying."

What a little snot.  So later in the day she's drinking her tropicana in the classroom, which isn't allowed, and when I told her to put it away or throw it away, that's when she started mouthing off and was kicked out.  Later I found the bottle on the floor under her desk, her last little contribution to my class.  I knew she would deny it later, so I took a picture:

Exhibit A: teacher driven to being conniving private investigator in order to salvage sanity.

So I called her mom, disconnected number.  Aunt, no answer.  Finally I got to her grandmother, who explained that the mom is getting a new phone Monday, and then asked what was wrong in a somewhat challenging tone.  Weary of guardians who were often less polite than their kids, I explained what happened and my expectations of Paula.  There was a long pause and then the grandma said, "Well.... um... who does she think she is?"

Hallelujah!

We had a 15 minute chat about what would be done by the grandma and the mom and how I didn't have to worry about this again, yada yada.  So refreshing.

I also tried to call the parents of 3 african american guys in my class who seemed like trouble-makers, but during the lesson had taken the initiative and learned 3 complex grammar lessons in one day.

Digression: We had to take this break-neck pace because last year the students had a fun coach for Spanish 1, which meant they watched videos and copied things, but still didn't know what "me gusta" means.  Yet he continues to teach because his test scores are sky-high due to the number of native speakers in his class looking for easy grades.  Siiiiiiiiiiigh.  

They were very loud about it, and joking around, mispronouncing things left and right ("Boy I'm uh, I'm uh, gwapapo*, whatchu know bout that, you over here bein' tonto.") but they inspired the class to try and generally participate.  They asked relevant questions and wrote down my answers to them.  So I tried to call their parents with the good news, but all of the numbers they gave to the school had been disconnected.
*He was trying to say "guapo", which means good-looking.  Tonto is foolish or silly.

My responsibilities as department chair will be challenging, since the placement of Spanish speakers in regular spanish class is all out of whack (the way my old school was until the last couple of years) so there is plenty to do.  Meanwhile, I'm spending my free time applying and researching international schools in South America... so maybe, just maybe, this blog will be written from below the equator this time next year :)

I've been told that that schedule is not permanent, don't do anything rash, etc.  Honestly it's hard not to take it personally, it seems like I'm being forced out by these crazy conditions.

I've applied to be a part of a program that transfers teachers abroad and puts a foreign teacher in their place.  So far, the effort has stalled at the level of the boss's boss's boss of my boss.  But we'll keep trying!  One way or another, I can't stay here.

Yesterday, I emailed all the disciplinarians at the school (principals, administrators, the works) and politely asked what is being done about referrals that they receive from me.  I subtly attached the last dozen referrals I had submitted that have not gotten a reaction since, in some cases, September of last year.

2 administrators responded saying something along the lines of "My door is always open if you'd like to conference about this."  The others haven't said anything yet.  So I went down to converse with one of the ladies who responded... you know, to "conference."

When I walked into her office, the first thing I noticed was piles upon piles of messy-looking paperwork.  It was literally above her head.  (There will seem to be a lot of hyperbole in this blog entry.  You have my word, though, that it is with no exaggeration that I relate these events).  I explained the problem, being very careful to convey that I did not blame any particular person or department, I just want to know what's going on after I write these kids up for cussing me out or worse.

She proceeded to "check the system" of referral submissions.  This happened after 10 minutes (again, no exaggeration) of her trying to log in to this system, because she had FORGOTTEN THE PASSWORD and had to answer security questions to retrieve it, the answers to which also took multiple attempts.  Obviously this is not a daily routine for her.  After she got in and was having trouble pulling up students, she said, "Well no one's here..."

It turns out she was entering their last names into the "first name" search field.

After all this mess she was able to tell me about one student, which left 11 unaccounted for.  I had to teach a class at that point so I asked if she could email the disciplinary action that was assigned for each case.  She said "Ok, but you might wanna just come back down here to check later today."  Each of the 2 times I came back her door was locked.  Ugh!





    Also, I had another parent call me, distraught because her daughter is about to go to juvenile prison for truancy and other issues.  Quote from the mom: "I SWEAR we will turn her around.  I'm just BEGGING you to change that last absence to say that she was there."
    I politely told her that that was against the law for me to do, but I volunteered to email her with a sort of testimonial that her daughter is otherwise a good kid. Such a statement in writing might perhaps give a favorable impression to the judge of this young girl.
    In the 10 minutes between this phone call and when I was about to write the email, I saw the daughter skipping class in the hallways with about 6 other kids.  I asked her where she was supposed to be, and she said, "class" as she walked away from me.  I kept trying to talk to her, she kept walking away.  What an idiot!!!!  I emailed her mom a recount of that event and said, basically, good luck with court because I'm not doing any favors for your daughter. 

I have a major headache today.  Half of the work I do at that school is the job that assistant principals leave undone, literally letting it pile up on their desks until it topples over, while enjoying double my salary.  It's just not right.

I'm running out of explanations as to why the administration (assistant principals and principals) are so lenient to the disrespectful and sometimes downright criminal students.  It might be a conspiracy.

Take 'Timaya."  This student clearly decided that her friend would do a better job on her homework than she would.  However, instead of asking for the answers, evidently Timaya simply handed over the paper, at which time someone else filled in the missing responses.  How do I know, you ask?

   It's literally not even in the same pen.  The differences in handwriting are obvious, or so I thought.  Timaya so vehemently denied that this work was anything but her own, that I decided to pass on the case to an assistant principal ("Mecsage" for reference purposes).
   When Mrs. Mecsage came to my room to talk to Timaya, we all 3 went out to the hall with the evidence shown above.  Timaya held firm saying it was her own work.  Mrs. Mecsage said I could return to teaching while she spoke with Timaya. 
   When I was called back out, Mrs. Mecsage said this:
"Timaya says she did her own work, and I believe her.  If you look at it, it seems like some of the letters look the same, and the ones that look different, she says are from the fact that she was hurrying to get the assignment done. I believe she should get full credit for the assignment."
   I was so shocked I couldn't respond for a second.  After having both Timaya and Mrs. Mecsage defending the work for another few minutes, I carefully pointed out a few of the obvious discrepancies.  At this point, Timaya ran away from us crying, saying, "FINE JUST TAKE OFF THE POINTS THEN!"
    Mrs. Mecsage simply said, "Oh, I guess that means she was cheating then.  Please just take the points off of the ones she didn't do, it looks like she should get... a 72."
Me:  "It's in my syllabus that students who cheat get zeroes, and referrals."
Mecsage: "I'd recommend the 72 for her, she gets discouraged easily."
(walks away).




That story is pretty disgusting, but it's even worse when the students are engaged in something worse than cheating.  As I've mentioned before, I have received feedback on 3 of the dozen referrals I've submitted in the past 6 months.  I use the term "feedback" because there is never any punishment.  For instance, when a student screamed "You n*gger!!!" to another (black) student who was in his way, and I wrote a referral, I got the paperwork back with the note from the assistant principal (not Mecsage but equally perfunctory) saying:

Fitting, right? Here's a short list of offenses I have reported with their "punishment" or, in most cases, lack thereof:
Have you noticed all the labels are "bad stuff" lately?  Not sure I can hang on another year here.

Welp, today was no fun.

We had a staff meeting regarding the budget and master schedule for next school year.  As you will be able to read if you choose to follow the following epic tragedy, the information presented in this meeting set my brain on an unstoppable spiral  of modus tollens leading to the realization that life outside my lovely dwelling bears a startling resemblance to Dante's Inferno, which I happen to be reading at the moment (for fun!). 

In order to simmer my rage down into legible form, I had to take a long break before writing this post.  Even now, I'm upset... not least of all because I know that no matter how many constructive, articulate arguments are made against the current state of affairs, the only change we see will be for the worse.  That's how it's been since I started working at a high school, so that's how it always must be, right?

No!

So I'm challenging my ability to write, and your patience, by putting this post into verse; first, because I need to restrain myself from ranting and digressing by keeping to a strict format.  Second, because I'm studying Moliere/Voltaire/Zola/Hugo in my graduate class, and when something was shitty in 18th and 19th century France, the only way things got done was when someone wrote a clever poem about it.

Behold: Educational Rhapsody.

-->

That's the golden quote I heard this morning right after lunch and right before the security team ran into the boys bathroom (located next to my classroom), chasing what was indeed the unmistakable stench of marijuana.  Not sure if they found anyone.

Got this amazing, error-riddled submission for a student's Valentine's Day poem.  Love the subtle request on the left side.

Welp, now we know why kids do whatever they want these days.
Actual email from parent after I told him that his child was disrespectful, had excessive absences, and was failing:


"We're having big problems with him so I'm not surprised to hear he's been skipping. We'll try to talk to him but, frankly, I'm not sure it will do any good."

Ok, well, let's see how that goes then.