Well.

It's been 4 weeks of school, and all the schedule changes that were supposed to occur... well, dream on.  The picture is grim: I have 230 students (more than double normal load, more than triple most other teachers'), a tiny room, and lots of problems (ex: student enrolled but not in class.  student in class but not enrolled.  repeat with new set of students every single day).  Did I mention there is no air conditioning STILL?  I had to go out and buy industrial size fans (not exaggerating).

Last night I stayed at the school until 9pm to meet the parents.  They were all (*cough* extremely *cough*) impressed with the class website I set up and how I'm handling the scheduling issues.  However, they are upset: kids in the wrong classes means kids with messed up schedules and not enough credits for high GPAs.

So, the students groan and sweat through class with 40 other students each period.  I groan and "glow" while placating myself by reading emails from the principal saying that it will "soon" be worked out.  The parents get frustrated.  It's been going on for four weeks and is now at a fever pitch.  I walked into the bathroom in the teachers lounge today to find 2 (female of course) teachers hovered over a cell phone.  They looked up suspiciously, saw it was just me, then went back to the phone.  I went into a stall and heard one start to sob, the other comfort her, then the first unleash a string of profanity that was actually quite creative.  The problem?  Sounded something along the lines of being over-worked, cussed at by students, and unsupported by administration.  The only clear words I heard were, "And I don't care if she's a vice principal, a principal, or the super superintendent.  You can't TREAT people like that."

As I write this, I'm conflicted.  I realize how awful my working conditions are.  Yet, I'm surrounded by the languages I love, most of the students are sweet, optimistic young rascals that make me laugh, I am paid well enough to live, play, eat, and travel whenever and however I want.  I'm very, very happy.

Although I wouldn't mind if the administration, who has all that and more, would do what they are paid a whole lot to do.  When I brought up the AC problem again, the administration said with a straight face that it would cost five million dollars to fix.

Five.  Million. Dollars.

The fact that I could build five new amazing, fully-staffed schools with that, plus a yacht, didn't seem like the right response at the time. 

Well, it's time for Funny Picture After Rant.  Here's a gem of an "About Me" assignment.

Surprise!  The testing at the middle school started today.

Everything went basically well.  Except that there was a "downtown" lady there.  So there were a few awkward moments where we (the department teachers) were telling the kids one thing and then the district lady got on the microphone and said the exact opposite.  Oh well.

So there we are, giving a test to about 100 middle-school Spanish-speakers, and a lady going around undermining all the procedures we had planned out.  Of course things start to unravel.  I interviewed several kids with basic Spanish questions to gage their fluency (this is a regulated oral section).  Some of the answers were extremely sad.  For example, I would ask (in Spanish) "What would you do with a million dollars?"  which is a great question to judge correct use of the conditional tense.  Most kids answered with "go shopping" or "buy 5 ferraris" and other things you might expect a 13 year old to do with a million dollars.  But one shy little kid quietly responded, "I would buy food for my family."  I immediately said, "oh that's great!" so it wouldn't look like I was pitying him or singling him out... but that made me pretty sad for the whole morning.

The only other response to the oral questions worth mentioning this punk:  When I asked "What did you do last summer?"  He looked right at me and said, "I smoked a TON of marijuana."
I just took his paper and left.  I get that they want attention, and I even understand that some might be trying weed already.  But who would say that to a teacher?

The cafeteria portion culminated with a kid who looks exactly like this, except fatter:

That's right.  A pair of dirty socks.  On the floor of a middle school auditorium.
WHY?!?!?!

Well, I haven't updated for fear of offending coworkers.  But I "unfriended" the person who betrayed the blog.  Never. Betray.  The Blog.

It's actually no big deal because we were never really friends, it was one of those obligatory adds that I'm sure everyone has.  So no hard feelings.

Anyway, on Thursday I had a meeting with parents and students and one university official to discuss kids from our high school going on a study abroad trip to Mexico. This in and of itself is somewhat confusing, since I will be in France when the trip takes place, and the person actually accompanying the students has not exactly been chosen yet.  But the principal talked to me about it one day last month, and slowly but surely I  became the only one responsible for the program that I know very little about.  I put the meeting in our PTA newsletter and on the school blog, hyped it up in my classes, and made morning announcements. This official was driving from Plano for the meeting and I wanted there to be a good turnout.

Which is why it was slightly embarrassing to have 4 kids and 2 parents show up.  The lady from the university gamely showed the powerpoint presentation (on our projector that turns everything dark pink... ugh) and the parents asked a few questions, like, "How many kids would you need to go on the trip to make it happen?" and "Well do you think there's even a chance?"

So there were 4 kids in this meeting, right?  And at the end of the explanation, and the beautiful powerpoint presentation, and the scenic pics of Mexico, there's the Q and A section.  One kid immediately raises his chubby hand and asks, "So is this in Dallas?"

I tried not to lol.  I also tried to subtly make noises like "mmm hmmm" and "that's right" to make it seem like there was more participation.  I left promising the lady that I would try very hard to get students to sign up in time for the deadline.

For some reason, the France trip goes off without a hitch every year.  The Spanish study abroad program is abysmal because it's only Spanish 3 that has historically been allowed to go.  I'm going to turn it around, just watch!


The next day, I came to school ready to show the powerpoint in all my classes.  That went great until 2nd period when the power went out.  Eventually one of the security guys came around saying that we were in lockdown because a power line had been knocked down.  So no computer, no lights.  2nd period is my planning period so I was alone in a room with no electricity (but the sun was shining through my window so no biggie).  I did my graduate school homework for a while and then got bored.  I texted my guy friend who teaches down the hall from me, asking if he has a class and saying I was bored.  He texted back, "Yeah come hang out."  So I did.

I walked in the room and immediately the kids starting cat-calling and laughing.  One kid said to his friend in Spanish, "What did I tell you man?!".  So I have no idea what they were talking about before but it was awkward.  I did my homework for a second and then got bored again.  I asked, "Ok, who wants to challenge the master in tic-tac-toe?"

One kid immediately accepted the challenge.  But he didn't know I had A Strategy.

Sadly enough, he beat me 4 times in a row before I realized I should play another game.  We played hangman and I kicked some ass.

Then I decided to go home because the power was still out and I didn't want to play hangman for 4 hours.

That is all.

Today I got feedback from a referral I submitted on January 25th.
Before I lambast this, you should know I am grateful that there was any reaction whatsoever. 
FYI his name was at the top of the referral but I didn't include it in the pic.  I knew his name from asking around. Well, without further ado:

So the recourse was to take the student to the office and ask him if he did do this.  When of course he denies it, the protocol is to "share your doubts" at his honesty.  Then, let him go.  But NEXT time he rolls through the hall disrupting classes and screaming out "Faggot," well then we'll probably discipline him.  If we don't have doubts to share.

p.s. There are two latino boys in wheelchairs at this school, and the other one was inside MY classroom at the time.

So today was TAKS testing, and if you are from my generation or earlier you may know this as TAAS.  Anyway it's a simple exam that takes about 2 hours, which the students are given 6 hours to complete.  There are two proctors in each room.  My fellow proctor was an elderly african american male sergeant for the ROTC class.

At the beginning of this long boring day, we had to take up all the cell phones.  At the beginning they could put them in their backpacks and leave them in the front of the room.  If they came in late they had to give them directly to the proctor.  At any rate, we said about 5 times: "So NO ONE has their cell phone right?  Is there anyone who still as a cell phone?"

Unless you haven't read the rest of these posts, you probably know what happened.  People still had tests out, but one girl (who is technically on my roll for a Spanish class but never comes, she's african american, we'll call her Charna) whips out her phone and starts texting.  Immediately the other proctor goes over to her.

At this point it is a major testing irregularity and we could be reported, and the kids would have to retake this abysmal exam.  But the sergeant politely asks for her phone and says he will keep it 'til all the tests are up.  The following dialogue ensued in the silent classroom:

Student: "No."
Sergeant: "... If you don't, we'll cancel your test and have security take you away."
Student: "I don't give a sh*t."

So I called the office and up comes security.  They take the student out into the hall.  FYI our doors have to be open during testing so officials can come in and make sure everything abides by the rules without disturbing the students.  They proceed to talk right outside the door, which of course all the students can hear:

Officer (in a friendly, almost joking voice): "Now, Charna, I know it's been a long day and I'm sorry for that.  But surely you know better.  Can you go back inside?"
Charna: "Man this bullsh*t."
Officer:  "Well can't you at least try?"
Charna: "I wanna use my phone."
Sergeant (to officer): "I told her about what the rules say about having a phone out."
Charna (to sergeant): "Man cancel my test!  I don't give a f*ck, ______"

In the blank goes the N word.
The "testing" students heard every word.

Why a police officer felt like she had to placate this idiot girl is beyond me.  It was like the officer was begging for the girl to just ignore all the silly teacher behavior and rules.

At least they took her out of the classroom.  Any other day I'm sure she'd be sent back in.

So the air conditioning and heating system in the school is a bit fickle when it comes to working.  During the winter, sometimes, we turn on the heat (sometimes we don't.  That's a separate problem though). But in order for the rest of the school to be above freezing, somehow the third floor classrooms must be blasted with white-hot furnace clouds of torridity.  It's kind of a joke between the 3rd floor teachers ("Oh you've come up to the pent-house eh, do enjoy the sauna!") and we deal by opening the windows.  


One day (March 6th of 2009.  I can tell you exactly because this event is in the aforementioned skull and crossbones book) I was walking around the room helping students with their assignment.  As a student on the other side of the room (let's call him Saul) got up to retrieve what I thought was a tissue, I turned my back to help another student with her work.


Suddenly I hear the students behind me collectively gasp and start chattering.   I turned around to see Saul standing by the open window.  I rushed over there and looked down.  


When he had gotten up the first time, it was to retrieve not a tissue, but
a) the huge container of hand sanitizer I bought with my own money for the students to use
b) a Spanish textbook, and
c) a stack of roughly 100 graded papers from off of my desk


and for no reason, had thrown each item out of the window.  The papers that I had stayed up late to grade floated on the breeze in every direction.  


Let's be clear.  I had not yelled at Saul.  I had not punished him at all, had not even talked to him beyond greeting him at the door that day.  And he took my stuff.  And threw it.  Out of the third floor window.


I marched him to the main office, asking if they had a referral I could write for him (since I had run out). The vice principal happened to be in the office and saw how flustered I was.  She walked up and said, "I'm sorry, that is utter madness, I'll call a parent conference and get him out of your class for the year."


Hahahaha!  Surely by now you know that is not what happened.  Although she WAS in the office, the vice principal impatiently waited for me to finish my woeful story, then huffed, "Well!  Did you go down and get the text book?  Because we need those."  The student was in my class every day after that despite the livid paperwork I filled out.  He was never even assigned detention.


That is all.

Between periods one day there was more buzz in the hallways than usual.  As students filtered in to my class I caught snippets of conversation like "Man they put the handcuffs on him,"  "That girl was my cousin," and "I guess this means we don't have homework for that class now!"

It didn't take long for the story to unravel.  I got a pretty detailed report, while the local news got the basics:

From MyFoxDFW.com
*My city* - A teacher at *my high school* l was arrested Wednesday for allegedly having an improper relationship with a student.


Evidently he had been texting a student with pics of himself.  Then one day as he was teaching class, the police came in and arrested him, handcuffs and all.  


After this episode, my district-assigned mentor took me aside and said, "Now I know you're young, please don't get into a situation like that with one of the kids."  I was outraged.  As if that was my plan and she just had the wisdom to stop me from doing it. 


Whatever.

The Worse Day Ever for me was April 14 of 2009.  I had let the kids relax 5 minutes before the end of class since they had worked hard, and I was away from my desk handling a situation in the hallway (kids skipping, in case you were curious).

When the bell rang and my students went to their next period, I noticed my phone was missing from my desk.  I have many moments like this but a few minutes of frantic searching usually returns good results.  This time no dice.  I would find out later that one of my students, while I was disciplining students in the hall, stole my phone.  (Retrospective fact:  This thief was a white male and came from a rich family.)

During the last period of the day, I started having trouble with a student who is usually quiet.  I asked him to remove his headphones (they are supposed to pay $15 if they have an ipod out in class but I usually just take it up and give it back at the end) and he said ok.  About 5 minutes later he still had them so I asked for the ipod.  He immediately cussed me out, really pulling out the big guns as far as profanity is concerned.  I was shocked, but not angry, I started toward my desk to call the office to have this kid removed.  But wait!  My phone was stolen earlier and there's no classroom phone.  So I ask this little punk to come with me to the office, at which point he immediately runs down the stairs and out the door.

So I have to leave the class and WALK 3 flights of stairs to the main office to tell them to radio security and look for the kid etc. etc.  At this point, my cell phone (with all personal numbers and texts on it) is in the hands of some malevolent teen, I have just been cussed out for no reason, and my class is unsupervised.  I started crying in the main office.

The bell rang, people went home, I spent an hour meticulously filling out paperwork against the thief and the cusser.  I made copies of the referrals and submitted them to the administrators.

Both kids were in my class the next day.  And the next day.  The next day, one of the police officers searched the kid who stole the cell phone (this is 3 days after he stole it, as if he's going to bring it to school) and found nothing.  Neither student was ever punished.

I looked into it, and found this little gem:  in order to be expelled from school, a student must

• receive 6 different referrals (each referral comes after 3 warnings and parent conferences)
• from 6 different teachers
• all in the same 6 week period

Things went well for the most part.  I was really overwhelmed with grading until I asked our dept chair (the badass lady) for advice.  She suggested having kids switch papers and grade the majority of classwork in class.  Since then things are much easier and I've never looked back.  P.s. The students are ruthless graders.

There were good days and bad days.  Sometimes the kids would leave me notes (I blurred the name just in case the district doesn't like me exposing valuable information, such as the fact that they waste insane amounts of time and paper... but I digress).

Is that not the sweetest thing ever?  Good thing I had that to look to, because not long after that day I saw that some thug had tagged up my beloved conjugation poster for the verb "répondre."
And there's that.



So there's the good and the bad, now it's time for the hilarious:  I had a male student who, one day, began to wear scarves to school.  They were actually more like bandanas but he chose to wear them around his neck.  Every day it was a different color.  After about 3 days of this, he came into class saying, "MIZ!  I gotta new name.  So you can call me SCARF from now on, aight?"  I had a good laugh at this, I mean it wasn't even a nick name, it was just the word of the article of clothing he was wearing.  But he was very serious about the name change, as I saw when I was grading his paper that he turned in the next day with the following heading:
Note the bubble print, especially intimidating.
I lol'd when I saw it.

At  this point (late summer 2008) I was eligible to start applying to school districts.  I went to several fairs, and had a promising interview with a school in the suburbs.  As a back-up, I applied to the same high school I went to.

Although I think people use it as an excuse far too often, the economy at this point was taking a nose-dive. People were being laid off from corporate jobs left and right, and the education sector was suddenly seeing hundreds of applications for every position.  Job fairs had lines out the door.

The suburb school never called, meanwhile my Alma Mater was waiting for an interview.  So I traipsed back into my old high school, immediately all the office workers were asking about my family and how I had been since 2004 when I graduated.  In the interview, the dean hired me on the spot.  She didn't even call in the principal to the meeting because "She already knows you're a good kid."  (Wow... I must have been a little dweeb... let's get some photo evidence on that)

She might have also been impressed by the Magna Cum Laude degree (cough, cough).  But most of all, the fact that I graduated from this particular school meant that I knew what to expect:  Metal detectors at every entry point, city police officers with their own office in the school,  lead-based paint peeling off the walls, and a very sad teacher's lounge.  Home sweet home!

Two days after I signed my contract, the suburb school called for an interview.  As the Germans say... scheiße!


Anyway, I had a job with my old high school and 4 weeks before school started.  It was time for district-specific training.