1.  I made the mistake of running an errand while the kids were supposed to be working.  I went to the teachers lounge in order to get butcher paper to cover all the posters on my walls in order to comply with testing procedures for next week.  When I returned 5 minutes later, there was blood on my desk and on the floor.  A student was rummaging through my first aid kit (which is kept behind my desk) and fishing out band-aids.  "I stapled my finger!  It hurt sooo badly!" was the excuse.  No one was seriously hurt and the victim was reveling in the attention... but it still made my heart skip a beat.  I literally cannot leave them for a minute.
2.  In funnier news:  We were grading an assignment in class, and sometimes when we do this the students raise their hands and ask "Is it ok if I put ______?" to see if they can get credit even if the answer isn't exactly the one I expected.  So today, I showed them that the answer to a certain question should have been "No fui a la tienda - I didn't go to the store" (they had to write the Spanish and English). 
A young girl raised her hand, and in a very concerned tone asked, "Is it ok if I put I did not go to the store?".  She was completely serious.  I had to tell her that "didn't" is a contraction of "did not."  SHE LITERALLY DID NOT KNOW THAT.

Ah, the outrage.  Here's some more abysmal spelling. 

Someone needs to wach over these kids in English class.